Researchers at the University of Krankdach have discovered the gene responsible for oversimplified and misleading media coverage of scientific research.

Using sophisticated techniques of meta-analysis, scientists demonstrated the presence of the gene 'mitochondrial COII' in 100% of those journalists and public relations professionals who have written misleading or just plain wrong articles about science.

"Without the cytochrome oxidase subunit II [COII] gene, it would be impossible to write articles that explain science to the public in ways that are 180 degrees opposite to reality," explains Doctor Ichbin Quatschkopf of the University of Krankdach's Tautology Lab.

Researchers at Krankdach also expect to publish studies and/or press releases on causal connections between the presence of the mitochondrial genome and homosexuality, religious belief, normal digestion, and breathing.

"We are dealing with issues and types of research that were neglected by scientists for too long," says Dr. Quatschkopf. "Further study will provide great opportunities for increasing our ability to fulfill academic publication quotas without risk of unexpected complications such as cost overruns or profoundly novel results."

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A slightly different version of this piece originally appeared in a print newsletter in 2013.